Normally I do this every year, but I think I have skipped one year, that is year 2014, couldn't find it anywhere, guess I have forgotten about it when I was in the midst of final exam last year around this time. So here it is, the summary of what happens in my life in the year of 2015 by month:
January:
First half of the month was dealing with my final exam. Local university timetable is like that, so that's why now also I'm in the midst of my finals, still have two more paper to go, and I have pretty much has screwed up the first three due to lack of preparation and my own laziness. Sigh. Anyway, semester break then begins and I spent most of the time chilling at home, run errands with my mom or anything relating to my Taiwan exchange. I also spent some days painting my house during this month.
February:
Arrived in Taipei at 10.05pm on the the first day of Chinese New Year, quite chasm that time, as I did not have the chance to celebrate with my mom's side family, couldn't be help, flight ticket has been bought and I console myself that there is Chinese New Year every year. Still, I think I have missed those moments in life and I could never get it back. Spent the next few days exploring Taipei and my university.
March, April, May, June:
Experience classes in NTU, of new friends made, of new places explored in Taiwan, of new things learned.
My biggest take in from my exchange is friends, I really love the two close friend that I have made from this exchange, constantly misses them and wish to meet them as soon as possible. Our friendship was strong not because our personality or character clicks per se, but it is because our time spent together has tested us and there is nothing at all between us. Miss them.
July:
Spent the beginning of the month exploring Taiwan with Darren.
Spent the end of the month exploring Siem Reap with my mom. It was great time. Food was good, people were nice, Angkor Wat is lovely.
August:
Made two trips to Ipoh, one was food trip, another one was because Darren had dengue. Works part time in Sunway Lagoon, real part time, like just 3 days only. And also work part time in my primary school, 7 days only. Tried fishing and went for Bersih 4.0.
September:
New semester begins in USM. Went Langkawi with Zhuo Ting.
October:
Had fun over the weekend when dear came over to penang.
November:
Make a road trip to Hatyai and Krabi with my roommate, it was fun time.
December:
Nothing much. If there is anything worth highlighting would be made a new friend that adores me.
What have I learnt this year:
1) How heaven taste like and how hell taste like. Taiwan was heaven, Penang was hell. I wonder why so. Was it because one doesn't know how does bitter taste because he never tasted sweetness before? Or was it because I have explored finish Penang and Taiwan was a new thing to explore?
I loves Taiwan, the life there, the convenience and efficiency, everything was good and comfortable. Then I went to Cambodia, and taking there as comparison, I was grateful that I am Malaysian. But when I came to Penang, I just grow to hate this city and this country more and more. The efficiency of how we do things here really sucks, and sucks is really too mild a word to comprehend the deep shit hole we're living in where there is no efficiency but just stupidity. Just as people grow older seems to have more wisdom, some malaysians simply picked up idiocy and lost common sense along as they grow.
2) The hardest thing to invest is human relationship. As human is a complex being and very versatile, it requires much to keep it strong. Many of times people actually don't give a damn about anyone else except themselves, everyone, including me. So I have learnt not to give a single damn about others too. Through my lonely times in penang, I have grown to be very independent and do everything alone. Thus, between a human and a dog, I would prefer a dog ten times over.
3) I have cease to appreciate little things in my life. I notice this as I scroll though my dayre, I use to appreciate every single thing that makes me happy in my life, for life was real good, as Taiwan was heaven. But as I begin my days in Penang, I'm just dreading it and anticipating end of studies. It could be I have lost interest in what I'm studying also, if I have took Thai language, I would have had the motivation to study it every single day. I still appreciate little things like when I have nice food, example like chinese food for dinner in this exam period, I grins and celebrate a little during moments like those. Is just that those are the only times it seems.
4) Choose friends wisely. Some friends I thought that we could actually be lifelong friends are the very same people I'm avoiding now. One shouldn't get herself too close to anyone that is of negativity that it drains you. Flee away. Having no friend is better at times like this.
I guess I should stop here as of now, before I unravel more negative things I learnt in life such as the world is a cruel place and people are benefit seeking. Part and parcel of life aren't it? Guess I have learnt many negativity of the human nature rather than human beauty this year. Hope that it is not too bad in the year 2016.
Am still learning. Till then, peace out.
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Friday, April 24, 2015
Things I'll miss when I leaves Taiwan
The post below was drafted one month ago, and that was my feeling and knowledge of it one month ago, it was dragged till now only I post it because I find it really time-wasting to spend a few hours to do a post and 30 minutes to upload a picture. So yes, throwback to one month ago's feeling and updates:
I pretty much have around two and a half months left before I board my flight back to KL. At this point of time, I'm not sure if I'm ready for that. Sure, I'll miss some Malaysians food here and there, but not always, it only happens when I see close up photo of Msian food on Instagram or Facebook. Other than that, I'm pretty much fine. The reason I'm not sure if I'm ready to leave Taiwan is because I have become very comfortable living here, so so comfortable. And what are the factors that make it so comfortable?
Well, let's see:
1. Convenience store and supermarket
Yes yes, people who knows me well enough know that I'm quite a fan of awesome 7-Elevens, not those that are in Malaysia please, but those that in our dear neighbor, Thailand's. And Taiwan's are equivalently as AWESOME.
3.湳山剧院
This is a second round cinema where they screen movies that was out 2-3 months ago. With just a ticket price of NTD150, you can watch as many movie as you want and bring in whatever food you want, super duper awesome! Imagine having a hot bowl of noodle or rice or whatever snacks you wish to have it cinema. In Msia, this is illegal you know.
4. The very central location of my Uni.
Since my house is not at the Golden Triangle in KL (like duh), I have never came to realize how convenient it is to live at the central of it all. To give a bit of background, my uni, that is National Taiwan University, is located at Taipei, precisely, Daan district. It is one of the most expensive estate area according to my Taiwanese friend. I'm very close by to a lot of places, I literally can cycle to Taipei 101 if I want, it'll take me just 20 mins I think.
Blue ones are the popular tourist destination, between purple line are like our Pavilion or Orchard, where all the high end shops are. Red dot is the exact location of my dormitory, so literally, everything is just in front my door step, I can just cycle to wherever I'm able to. In Alam Megah, I can only cycle to Giant sia, I can't even cycle to One City Mall. In Penang, I have no idea where can I cycle to from my dormitory.
That's all for now, will update this post if I could think more, because I really doubt I only miss so little of Taiwan.
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I pretty much have around two and a half months left before I board my flight back to KL. At this point of time, I'm not sure if I'm ready for that. Sure, I'll miss some Malaysians food here and there, but not always, it only happens when I see close up photo of Msian food on Instagram or Facebook. Other than that, I'm pretty much fine. The reason I'm not sure if I'm ready to leave Taiwan is because I have become very comfortable living here, so so comfortable. And what are the factors that make it so comfortable?
Well, let's see:
1. Convenience store and supermarket
Yes yes, people who knows me well enough know that I'm quite a fan of awesome 7-Elevens, not those that are in Malaysia please, but those that in our dear neighbor, Thailand's. And Taiwan's are equivalently as AWESOME.
But if you were to ask me to choose, I think I prefer Family Mart more, because I prefer their instant food. If it is chips I'm looking for, I'll head to 7E then, because they have awesome seaweed sprinkled potato chips.
And convenience store is not the only shop that open 24H, there is also Welcome supermarket that open 24H too. So yeah, need not to worry if you need to get some fruits or stuffs when is close to midnight. plus it is really safe to go out at night, so there is no worries at all of being robbed or what nonsense thing that could happen in msia.
2. 光南大批發
Located nearby the main gate of my uni, this should be the shop I most frequently visit other than convenience store. Me and my friends loves this shop due the fact that they are distributor like their name suggest, they offer the cheapest price in town yo for all the things they offer.3.湳山剧院
This is a second round cinema where they screen movies that was out 2-3 months ago. With just a ticket price of NTD150, you can watch as many movie as you want and bring in whatever food you want, super duper awesome! Imagine having a hot bowl of noodle or rice or whatever snacks you wish to have it cinema. In Msia, this is illegal you know.
4. The very central location of my Uni.
Since my house is not at the Golden Triangle in KL (like duh), I have never came to realize how convenient it is to live at the central of it all. To give a bit of background, my uni, that is National Taiwan University, is located at Taipei, precisely, Daan district. It is one of the most expensive estate area according to my Taiwanese friend. I'm very close by to a lot of places, I literally can cycle to Taipei 101 if I want, it'll take me just 20 mins I think.
Blue ones are the popular tourist destination, between purple line are like our Pavilion or Orchard, where all the high end shops are. Red dot is the exact location of my dormitory, so literally, everything is just in front my door step, I can just cycle to wherever I'm able to. In Alam Megah, I can only cycle to Giant sia, I can't even cycle to One City Mall. In Penang, I have no idea where can I cycle to from my dormitory.
That's all for now, will update this post if I could think more, because I really doubt I only miss so little of Taiwan.
Friday, April 3, 2015
Taiwan, thus far.
Just had a good 3 hours afternoon nap from 1pm-4pm just now, so thought that I might as well update my blog before dinner time since I'm fully energized now. I was exhausted from the trip to Taichung that I just got back from yesterday night.
Other than dayre which I sometimes I spammed it with photos, I did not actually wrote any diary or journal for the moments I'm in Taiwan. And I thought that if I did not even blog anything about it, I will surely regret later, as I have not left any thoughts nor reflections on the days when I'm in Taiwan. Is just like the university days when I'm in Penang, being caught up with lots of things happening around, I did not stop to capture the moments I feel at times where I felt is worth jotting down. And days just passes really really fast, and humans like we, will forget about it real soon.
So, how's Taiwan thus far? It is real good. My tolerance of away from home when I was in Penang is 2 months. Getting close to it will makes me really homesick and I would feel that I just want to get home as soon as possible no matter what. How long have I been in Taiwan? 6 weeks. Do I feel homesick now? Not really. Other than missing Malaysians food occasionally, I did not feel the urge that I want to go home as soon as possible now. In fact what I do wish now is that may time passes really really slow as I have only 3 months left in Taiwan and I don't want it to comes to an end so fast. At least that's what how I feel currently.
So what do I like or enjoy about Taiwan thus far?
Firstly, I really love the sense of safety and security it gives me. It is really safe to roam alleys at night and it is safe to leave your belongings unattended. There's minimal chances that anyone would rob anyone here or steal anyone's else things in this country. Not to say hundred percent it won't happen, but the chances of happening? Really really low. And when it really happens, it is caught on camera, this is when it is on news. CCTVs is everywhere, so for any crime one attempt to do, it will be caught on camera, so just don't do it. I have a chat with one of Taiwan friend about this, I told her about it and I compare it in Malaysia. Crime is so prevailing in Malaysia that we are so used to robbing and such. Robbing in housing neighborhood is so common nowadays that it is bound to happen on anyone, and not just one time. She told me that this is because back in the older days of her mom, Taiwan is not as developed as now and everyone is very poor. There's no one that would want to rob anyone because everyone is equally very poor. So because of that, robbing or stealing is really not common.
Second, the quality of education it gives. NTU is ranked between 61th-70th in the 2015 Times Higher Education. Thus the quality of lecturers, academic resources, education systems it provides is really good. Lecturers are really proficient in their own field and held great commitments to their responsibilities. It was first time in my life I receives email from lecturer apologizing to us because he came late to the class (some misunderstanding of administration). Lecturers frequently encourages interaction and participation in classes. The database, statistical softwares are also much better (which I believe much more expensive) than those that I use in USM.
Third, the absurd convenience of everyday living. If there are 10,000 students in NTU, then there are 9,900 bicycles in NTU. I can get to to anywhere in campus and out of campus conveniently using my bicycle. All roads are paved according to the need of bicycles, bicycles parking is everywhere in the city. There is huge underground parking for bicycles in the campus, huge bicycles parking nearby the MRT stations. And the 7-Elevens, Family Mart at all corners of the streets, opens 24/7 serving at your convenience. MRT can pretty much get you to anywhere you want to go in Taipei. As far as to the Zoo, to the beach, to the domestic airport, and to your house at suburbs.
Forth, the people. Taiwanese are generally helpful and friendly people. If you are lost or anything, they will try their best to help you. Two days ago I was in Taichung, after I got off from the bus, I not sure which direction I should head towards to. And like anywhere else, there'll be taxi drivers at the road side hoping to get customer. I was looking at the map, so the taxi uncle asks me where I want to go. I refuse to answer at first as I afraid that he'll persuade us to get on taxi. But still clueless on which direction I should go, I told him I wish to go Feng Jia. Then he told me the direction on how to go there, and told me that just walk for sometime and I'll reach. He is generally sincere to help me. Do you know what I would I expect if I'm in Malaysia? The taxi uncles will tell me that my destination is freaking far away and I can't reach there by foot and he can fetch me with taxi.
That's what I can think of thus far that I like about Taiwan.
Some pictures of my campus:
Cheers,
Lee Xiang
Other than dayre which I sometimes I spammed it with photos, I did not actually wrote any diary or journal for the moments I'm in Taiwan. And I thought that if I did not even blog anything about it, I will surely regret later, as I have not left any thoughts nor reflections on the days when I'm in Taiwan. Is just like the university days when I'm in Penang, being caught up with lots of things happening around, I did not stop to capture the moments I feel at times where I felt is worth jotting down. And days just passes really really fast, and humans like we, will forget about it real soon.
So, how's Taiwan thus far? It is real good. My tolerance of away from home when I was in Penang is 2 months. Getting close to it will makes me really homesick and I would feel that I just want to get home as soon as possible no matter what. How long have I been in Taiwan? 6 weeks. Do I feel homesick now? Not really. Other than missing Malaysians food occasionally, I did not feel the urge that I want to go home as soon as possible now. In fact what I do wish now is that may time passes really really slow as I have only 3 months left in Taiwan and I don't want it to comes to an end so fast. At least that's what how I feel currently.
So what do I like or enjoy about Taiwan thus far?
Firstly, I really love the sense of safety and security it gives me. It is really safe to roam alleys at night and it is safe to leave your belongings unattended. There's minimal chances that anyone would rob anyone here or steal anyone's else things in this country. Not to say hundred percent it won't happen, but the chances of happening? Really really low. And when it really happens, it is caught on camera, this is when it is on news. CCTVs is everywhere, so for any crime one attempt to do, it will be caught on camera, so just don't do it. I have a chat with one of Taiwan friend about this, I told her about it and I compare it in Malaysia. Crime is so prevailing in Malaysia that we are so used to robbing and such. Robbing in housing neighborhood is so common nowadays that it is bound to happen on anyone, and not just one time. She told me that this is because back in the older days of her mom, Taiwan is not as developed as now and everyone is very poor. There's no one that would want to rob anyone because everyone is equally very poor. So because of that, robbing or stealing is really not common.
Second, the quality of education it gives. NTU is ranked between 61th-70th in the 2015 Times Higher Education. Thus the quality of lecturers, academic resources, education systems it provides is really good. Lecturers are really proficient in their own field and held great commitments to their responsibilities. It was first time in my life I receives email from lecturer apologizing to us because he came late to the class (some misunderstanding of administration). Lecturers frequently encourages interaction and participation in classes. The database, statistical softwares are also much better (which I believe much more expensive) than those that I use in USM.
Third, the absurd convenience of everyday living. If there are 10,000 students in NTU, then there are 9,900 bicycles in NTU. I can get to to anywhere in campus and out of campus conveniently using my bicycle. All roads are paved according to the need of bicycles, bicycles parking is everywhere in the city. There is huge underground parking for bicycles in the campus, huge bicycles parking nearby the MRT stations. And the 7-Elevens, Family Mart at all corners of the streets, opens 24/7 serving at your convenience. MRT can pretty much get you to anywhere you want to go in Taipei. As far as to the Zoo, to the beach, to the domestic airport, and to your house at suburbs.
Forth, the people. Taiwanese are generally helpful and friendly people. If you are lost or anything, they will try their best to help you. Two days ago I was in Taichung, after I got off from the bus, I not sure which direction I should head towards to. And like anywhere else, there'll be taxi drivers at the road side hoping to get customer. I was looking at the map, so the taxi uncle asks me where I want to go. I refuse to answer at first as I afraid that he'll persuade us to get on taxi. But still clueless on which direction I should go, I told him I wish to go Feng Jia. Then he told me the direction on how to go there, and told me that just walk for sometime and I'll reach. He is generally sincere to help me. Do you know what I would I expect if I'm in Malaysia? The taxi uncles will tell me that my destination is freaking far away and I can't reach there by foot and he can fetch me with taxi.
That's what I can think of thus far that I like about Taiwan.
Some pictures of my campus:
椰林大道
Main Library
Bicycle level: NTU
Main Entrance gate. NTU is built by the Japanese during the colonial era, thus the strong hint of Japanese architecture can be found in campus.
A lot of locals likes to come in to relax and chill in the campus ground during the weekends. On those days, you'll get to see a lot of families simply spending quality time together cycling, jogging, exercise, picnic etc.
I guess that's all for now. Sincerely hoping that I'll update as much as possible during the course when I'm in Taiwan.
Cheers,
Lee Xiang
Saturday, January 31, 2015
A mainlanders thoughts
Found this while reading exchange students report, felt that this is really good. Get to see from a different perspective, with some deep feelings.
从哪里开始？我不知道。至今还能够清晰地回忆起飞临台湾时的情境，我 趴在舷窗上，眺望着天空下岛屿的轮廓，曾经在地图前端详了无数次的海岸线 真切地展现在眼前，我认出了像展翅的蝴蝶一样的澎湖，我看到了台湾岛西部 狭长的平原，然后我怀着一种既熟悉又陌生的感觉缓缓地降落。
或许这就是我能找到的最合适的开始。当时决定申请赴台交换的初衷是什 么？两岸分治了六十余年，就好像一个大型的试验，来自同一个培养皿的样本 被放在两个互相隔离的实验室中培养，目的是要找到中国的未来。我曾经相信 这是一个公正的对照试验，直到带着好奇踏上对岸才发现实际竟是那么得不严 谨。两个实验室的条件相差到没有丝毫的可比性，一个那么大一个又那么小， 一个结构那么复杂一个却那么单一。由此看来，这个试验从一开始就注定是失 败的，注定会毫无结果，或者说两个实验室的出现从一开始就是个悲剧，也许 又只是一出悲剧高潮的开始，而整出悲剧的起点又在哪里？
近来在我头脑里，一个“中国革命”的概念越来越清晰。在现代化的世界 中，“每个人的自由发展是一切人的自由发展的条件”，所有革命的最终目的 是使每个人都能够成为像人一样的存在；而在积贫积弱列强环伺的中国，找回 国家的独立自主进而实行赶超战略又被自然而然地公认为实现最终目的的必要 前提。因此，民族主义成为了中国革命的原初动力，为了实现民族主义的目标 又必然要采取国家主义的手段。于是在革命以来的中国，所有对未来的设想都 必须接受民族主义和国家主义的改造后才有可能付诸实践。长此以往，手段逐 渐取代了目的，于是我们有了中华民国，又有了中华人民共和国，人民的地位 在名称上被捧得越来越高，人民的权利和幸福却又不得不服从于所谓国家和民 族的利益，特别是在本朝，号称代表国家和民族的某团体的利益竟然也可以堂 而皇之地凌驾于人民之上。由此看来，中国革命的悲剧线索早在革命之初便预 设好了。
两个世纪前革命爆发，一百年后两岸共同的缔造者临终遗言“革命尚未成 功”，至今又快一百年。这样写来，又颇有些“自周公卒五百岁而有孔子，孔 子卒后至于今五百岁”的意味。意在斯乎！意在斯乎！
前几日偶然翻阅林觉民《与妻书》，顿时感到自己是多么有幸能够生在现 在的中国，又是多么不幸生在了现在的中国。有幸的是，国家的独立自主已经 达成，再不须我立志牺牲百死不辞；不幸的是，革命远未成功却被迫戛然而止， 再不容我公然倡导为天下先。政治身份为思想设置了框架，但也因祸得福地为 思想指出了方向，或许我应该公开地转向社会民主主义寻找中国的未来，我应 该读一些伯恩斯坦、考茨基、托洛茨基、布哈林、陈独秀甚至赵紫阳。我可能 会自觉地站在历史上的失败者一边，因为我相信这是人性在未来必然的选择。 游学台湾，最令我感到意外又最令我敬佩的人是蒋经国，中正纪念堂只出现在 台北，经国先生纪念馆却遍布在台湾各地。有些人死了，他还认为自己活在别 人心中；有些人死了，人们会自发地纪念他。历史不可欺骗，过去的隐恶总会 在某个时刻昭然若揭，人性是评判一切的标准。
在台湾看到这样一则政治评论，孙中山是天元上帝下凡，带来了龟神和蛇 神两位助手，旨在拯救中国人民，不料二神后来反目成仇，终致忘记了初衷。 战争、饥荒、运动、迫害，都是中国革命的产物，也都把手段当成了目的。这 种倒置掏空了革命的基础，违背了人性，辜负了历史，人民颠沛流离音讯隔绝 互不往来，国家也错过了再次统一的时机，两岸都只有国家的人民，不再有人 民的国家，这是倒置的革命带给人民的剧痛。而现在，一边已经成为了真正的 民国，为了根治剧痛便只有矫枉过正，但毕竟是人性的选择，却是一条本可避 免的悲凉出路。有一天，共和国也会成为真正的共和国，一切价值会被重新评 估，如果今天还将革命倒置，将来经历的剧痛必会更加猛烈。写到这里，我又 是多么有幸，能够生在前一次剧痛缓和之后，又是多么不幸，不知下一次剧痛 何时便会猝不及防地到来。
我会用悲悯的态度看中国革命，因为所有的苦难都要由具体的人来承担。 我就是一个具体的人，“生，亦我所欲也，义，亦我所欲也”，人性要求将颠 倒的革命摆正回来，人性会成为我评判一切的最终标准。而所谓人性的标准， 就是“生存、自由和追求幸福”，就是是否能够使人自由地成为人。而幸福又有很多种，最大的幸福是人的自我解放。解放不可外求，只有内 省，从“莒光”到“自强”，每个人只要求自己成为一个人，便真可“六亿神 州皆尧舜”。幸福来源于自己。
写了这么多，好像重点并不在台湾。看到台湾的现状，每个人都会为它的 地位纠结。我承认应该将目的置于手段之上，却还是脱不了一些旧有情感的窠 臼。怀着矛盾的心情，我有一句话想说给中华民国，望你不要自毁这块金字招 牌，还有一句话要送给台湾，希望你能够早日名正言顺。最后，我只能说，再 见，台湾岛！！！
Copy and paste from http://www2.oia.ntu.edu.tw/IncomingExchange/www/experience/102/incoming/007614.pdf
台湾游学记
从哪里开始？我不知道。至今还能够清晰地回忆起飞临台湾时的情境，我 趴在舷窗上，眺望着天空下岛屿的轮廓，曾经在地图前端详了无数次的海岸线 真切地展现在眼前，我认出了像展翅的蝴蝶一样的澎湖，我看到了台湾岛西部 狭长的平原，然后我怀着一种既熟悉又陌生的感觉缓缓地降落。
或许这就是我能找到的最合适的开始。当时决定申请赴台交换的初衷是什 么？两岸分治了六十余年，就好像一个大型的试验，来自同一个培养皿的样本 被放在两个互相隔离的实验室中培养，目的是要找到中国的未来。我曾经相信 这是一个公正的对照试验，直到带着好奇踏上对岸才发现实际竟是那么得不严 谨。两个实验室的条件相差到没有丝毫的可比性，一个那么大一个又那么小， 一个结构那么复杂一个却那么单一。由此看来，这个试验从一开始就注定是失 败的，注定会毫无结果，或者说两个实验室的出现从一开始就是个悲剧，也许 又只是一出悲剧高潮的开始，而整出悲剧的起点又在哪里？
近来在我头脑里，一个“中国革命”的概念越来越清晰。在现代化的世界 中，“每个人的自由发展是一切人的自由发展的条件”，所有革命的最终目的 是使每个人都能够成为像人一样的存在；而在积贫积弱列强环伺的中国，找回 国家的独立自主进而实行赶超战略又被自然而然地公认为实现最终目的的必要 前提。因此，民族主义成为了中国革命的原初动力，为了实现民族主义的目标 又必然要采取国家主义的手段。于是在革命以来的中国，所有对未来的设想都 必须接受民族主义和国家主义的改造后才有可能付诸实践。长此以往，手段逐 渐取代了目的，于是我们有了中华民国，又有了中华人民共和国，人民的地位 在名称上被捧得越来越高，人民的权利和幸福却又不得不服从于所谓国家和民 族的利益，特别是在本朝，号称代表国家和民族的某团体的利益竟然也可以堂 而皇之地凌驾于人民之上。由此看来，中国革命的悲剧线索早在革命之初便预 设好了。
两个世纪前革命爆发，一百年后两岸共同的缔造者临终遗言“革命尚未成 功”，至今又快一百年。这样写来，又颇有些“自周公卒五百岁而有孔子，孔 子卒后至于今五百岁”的意味。意在斯乎！意在斯乎！
前几日偶然翻阅林觉民《与妻书》，顿时感到自己是多么有幸能够生在现 在的中国，又是多么不幸生在了现在的中国。有幸的是，国家的独立自主已经 达成，再不须我立志牺牲百死不辞；不幸的是，革命远未成功却被迫戛然而止， 再不容我公然倡导为天下先。政治身份为思想设置了框架，但也因祸得福地为 思想指出了方向，或许我应该公开地转向社会民主主义寻找中国的未来，我应 该读一些伯恩斯坦、考茨基、托洛茨基、布哈林、陈独秀甚至赵紫阳。我可能 会自觉地站在历史上的失败者一边，因为我相信这是人性在未来必然的选择。 游学台湾，最令我感到意外又最令我敬佩的人是蒋经国，中正纪念堂只出现在 台北，经国先生纪念馆却遍布在台湾各地。有些人死了，他还认为自己活在别 人心中；有些人死了，人们会自发地纪念他。历史不可欺骗，过去的隐恶总会 在某个时刻昭然若揭，人性是评判一切的标准。
在台湾看到这样一则政治评论，孙中山是天元上帝下凡，带来了龟神和蛇 神两位助手，旨在拯救中国人民，不料二神后来反目成仇，终致忘记了初衷。 战争、饥荒、运动、迫害，都是中国革命的产物，也都把手段当成了目的。这 种倒置掏空了革命的基础，违背了人性，辜负了历史，人民颠沛流离音讯隔绝 互不往来，国家也错过了再次统一的时机，两岸都只有国家的人民，不再有人 民的国家，这是倒置的革命带给人民的剧痛。而现在，一边已经成为了真正的 民国，为了根治剧痛便只有矫枉过正，但毕竟是人性的选择，却是一条本可避 免的悲凉出路。有一天，共和国也会成为真正的共和国，一切价值会被重新评 估，如果今天还将革命倒置，将来经历的剧痛必会更加猛烈。写到这里，我又 是多么有幸，能够生在前一次剧痛缓和之后，又是多么不幸，不知下一次剧痛 何时便会猝不及防地到来。
我会用悲悯的态度看中国革命，因为所有的苦难都要由具体的人来承担。 我就是一个具体的人，“生，亦我所欲也，义，亦我所欲也”，人性要求将颠 倒的革命摆正回来，人性会成为我评判一切的最终标准。而所谓人性的标准， 就是“生存、自由和追求幸福”，就是是否能够使人自由地成为人。而幸福又有很多种，最大的幸福是人的自我解放。解放不可外求，只有内 省，从“莒光”到“自强”，每个人只要求自己成为一个人，便真可“六亿神 州皆尧舜”。幸福来源于自己。
写了这么多，好像重点并不在台湾。看到台湾的现状，每个人都会为它的 地位纠结。我承认应该将目的置于手段之上，却还是脱不了一些旧有情感的窠 臼。怀着矛盾的心情，我有一句话想说给中华民国，望你不要自毁这块金字招 牌，还有一句话要送给台湾，希望你能够早日名正言顺。最后，我只能说，再 见，台湾岛！！！
Copy and paste from http://www2.oia.ntu.edu.tw/IncomingExchange/www/experience/102/incoming/007614.pdf
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